Lost the Love?

It has been very emotional for me the past few days. Just yesterday, I had the privilege and opportunity to do relief teaching back in my Secondary school. I thank GOD for it because it is one of the places I aim to search for my 12. Got in touch with the arts club teacher who is a Christian and told me ‘I’m looking for someone to come into arts club to start something with me.’ I shared with her a bit about what we could do to work together and we’ll be arranging a meeting with her together with Charles and Tianyu hopefully next Saturday.

On the other hand, I had a very bad experience doing relief. It was totally different from 3 years back when I enjoyed myself so very much taking the upper secondary normal academic classes. By the end of the day, I was totally drained out. The students are very ‘attitude’, very rebellious, don’t care about my existence and could just walk out of the class in groups of 6-7 to ‘tour’ around the school. I thought to myself, ‘The students conduct is degrading down the generation.’ To put them more strongly in my own words, they are more cocked up then ever before. I felt so so difficult to love them although that’s exactly what God has called us to do. ‘Love God, love people.’

Just today, I was on the bus, and there were 2 guys about age 16-17, with dyed hair, ah beng style dressing. They were playing mp3 with their phone at maximum volume. Some songs even contain a string of vulgarities. I was totally disgusted by their techno clubbing hits and there goes my mind, ‘La sup kias’ I struggled so so much to love this people, I do not know why suddenly my heart has gone cold and felt so so difficult to love anymore. The fact that I can label them as ‘La Sup kia’ reveals my pride of ‘looking down’ on them and thinking that I am ‘one cut above’ them. ‘God please forgive me for judging and labeling others.’ If I could think and feel others are ‘disgusting,’ what makes me feel that the sinful me is not ‘disgusting’ to the standards of our Holy God?

I’m very worried for myself because I’m going for encounter tomorrow. I pray that I’ll receive the father’s love, and that the Lord will create in me the Love to love others. (My post was supposed to end here… but network error occurred…)

I went on to delete some of my files in my computer. All of a sudden, I came across this audio file, and I played it. I suddenly encountered the supernatural presence of GOD, and this brings me to end this post with a victorious ending.

Lost the Love? Don’t know how to love? Afraid of loving again? ‘There is no problem too big, God cannot solve it, there is no mountain too tall, he cannot move it, if he carried the weight of the world upon his shoulders, I know my brother that HE will carry you. Let God carry you in this song.